#Choices #facts #bandwagon

With today's climate of protesting, writing about choices was one of the hardest things that I have ever decided to do.  How do I approach this topic?  How do I show all the facts without making it seem like I'm preaching? Which is what I do not want to do.  I love giving information, based on facts, so saying, that's where I will start.

A friend of mine was  accused of something, in a public forum.  The accuser stated his name in the same breath as "I don't want him attacked".  That immediately had a bell going off in my head.  I listened to what the accuser had to say.  There were a lot of inconsistencies in the talk,  I am first and foremost a person that needs the facts.  Speculation and half-imaginings don't work for me, personally, I am the type of person that needs to dig.  Well with this I didn't need to dig very far.  This post won't go into the width and breadth of that.  

This discussion is about choices.  How and why they are made.  What is the reasoning behind them?  If a person makes a choice, can that person live with the consequences of their actions? 

There is also one choice that has to be made in this life and it's made on a daily basis.  We agree with people without listening to the facts, or without getting the facts.  When someone makes an accusation how quick some make the choice to jump on a bandwagon with others without getting those facts.  

Over the past week I have had people that I had thought of as friends use racism as a soapbox for something that had already been attended to.  How that person feels that they were treated and went and posted on social media how she was speaking up to stop racism, which by the way had already been handled weeks prior, and how she was ashamed of the community that we were all chatting in.  Which had handled the multi-cultural exchange within, without having to post in social media to come to an understanding.  Some, and by some I mean one, didn't like the outcome, this person was apologized to but felt the person apologizing wasn't sincere.

Choices!

That was their choice whether to accept the apology or not.  I don't know about a lot of other people, I just know that I was raised not to beg for forgiveness.  A person will either forgive or not, that is their choice. Me, personally, will only apologize once if I feel that I may, and I say may, have been in the wrong, my choice.

Choices!

I read in stunned disbelief the diatribe that was written in our chat, my choice.  I didn't speak out, also my choice, and one that I wish I could go back and change because another took it upon themselves to and was roasted for it, though they didn't feel attacked, others in the community felt attacked and spoke up to those they felt could help them.  When she posted on a public forum how she was "innocently attacked" I was doubly floored.  She couldn't even say that the community that she attacked had defended themselves.  When you bash someone over and over again, and their only response is that you need to speak to the owner of the forum and you still want to bash the person, don't get upset when they begin to defend themselves or their actions.

Choices! 

If a person is going to speak on behalf of another, get facts straight.  Because things didn't go as planned, a witch hunt has now ensued.

Choices!

In 1923 a massacre happened in Rosewood, Florida a black man was accused of raping a white woman. The woman said she wasn't raped.  Because of racial tensions it didn't take much to get people up in arms to destroy a town and kill many.  

Choices!

Why does mob mentality exist? People are making the choice not to seek the truth or to believe anything that someone may say.  Or jump on the bandwagon of hate because they don't like the person either.  

As a society do we learn nothing from the past?  

There was an article called "Believe Women" that was sent to me that sums up all of the things I think are problems when it comes to any type of accusation.  I have been accused of victim shaming for asking a question.  First and foremost I'm a seeker of knowledge and facts.  I didn't want the person to feel bad but sometimes the story doesn't make sense to me.  So I keep my questions to myself, doing that has me less believing their story. My choice!

Until next time, be safe!

Straight A Student

My friend Ashley asked me a question the other day. "How come when a child dies, that the news writes that the child was a straight A student?" 

In all honesty I didn't have an answer.  I thought about it.  I even said, "what about the students that were killed that had B's and C's. What kind of recognition do they get?"  It started me on a journey to look at how we see the death of a child.  A child that could have grown to be president, an author, a nobel prize winner, a principle, a school teacher, a business owner, a valued employee, or a stay at home parent.

It wasn't the first time I had seen such an article and I definitely don't want to downplay the education of a child that was killed.  I'm more curious about all of the other children that didn't have such accolades.  I have also seen "they were really good in sports." Was this said for the same reason?

 

My question to myself was does this humanize the person?  Does this help to draw attention to the needless death, that this could be 'your' child if your child is a straight A student.   My opinion, and I will restate "MY OPINION" for those in the back.  Is that the news is trying to draw attention to the killings, that this could be any child that you may know, or a child like you put to bed every night.

When a person dies of old age or an older person was killed, they will talk about their family, if they have one.  With children you see how little they have done.  Their lives are just beginning, some of them have never dated, had a boyfriend, gotten to go on sleepovers, or have a slumber party.  A lot of things that we, as adults, take for granted.

In a study published in 2018,  research showed that in 2016 the number one cause of death in children were injury related at 12,336 deaths. Number two was motor vehicle crash with 4,074 deaths, and firearm-related injury (homicide, suicide, unintentional, and undetermined intent) at 3,143 deaths.

How can we change these numbers?  How can we change the narrative of a child so that they have a longer lasting future and not one cut short?  How do we give these children and future children a voice? One where they get to have children and grandchildren of their own.

Two Queens Too Many

It's funny how a simple conversation with someone will put an idea of a story in my head.  I thank the real life Jingle for this.

I am currently working on artwork to go along with the stories.

I hope you enjoy!


1. Two Queens Too Many

New Stories

During this time of social distancing I have been writing some short stories and I mean really short.  The stories began as a joke but I have taken such a delight in the characters that I decided to write more.  Below are the first three installments.  Each one is a stand alone story which I may develop into a much larger tale.  I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

1. The Gift
2. Busy Much
3. The Bee, Bear, and Bird

Coronavirus

Toilet Paper, Hand Sanitizer, and Baby Wipes.... Oh My!

I've been wanting to write about the coronavirus for a few days now.  But didn't know how I wanted to start this discussion.  Did I want to discuss how people need to take precautions?   Did I want to discuss how fast toilet paper and hand sanitizer was sold off the shelves? Or did I want to discuss what drives people to do certain things..... FEAR!

How about a little bit of everything starting with some historical information.  For those that don't know, coronavirus isn't the first pandemic that the world has faced, SURPRISE!  That's right, this is just one more in a line of pandemics that the human race has ever gone through.

Instead of rehashing them all, let's first discuss how people need to take precautions.  First and foremost this is a virus, it is contagious.  Health care professionals are saying to wash your hands and keep everything sanitized.  Easy peasy right?  You would think so, but for some reason people have to be reminded.  Health care officials also added, do not touch your face.  Try not to congregate in large numbers.  Some states have no congregating in groups larger than 1000 to now no groups larger than 100.  Some schools and businesses are closing, some are staying open.  Around the world more people are getting sick, some recovering, some dying.  Countries are closing their borders

I went to the grocery to do my usual shopping and bought the usual staples.  I meal planned for the month, but I do that all the time.  I hate shopping so try to get most of my groceries once a month with only having to get items that I may have forgotten or run out of before I go again.  Now that you know more about my shopping habits than you probably wanted to know, let's continue.  About 1 week after going to the grocery I saw the 1st video about people fighting over toilet paper (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVHYTdGUAZM).

When I went to Walgreens to pick up a couple of items, the first thing I noticed was a sign on the door limiting purchases of certain items:  toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and thermometers.  As I was getting my items I noticed all of the toilet paper, hand sanitizers, and baby wipes were all gone.  What I also noticed was that there was plenty of hand soap and bottled water on the shelves. 

Now lets talk about fear, people that feed on fear, and people that profit from that fear but in reverse order.

Profiting from fear:  My initial thought upon seeing the empty shelves was that people are afraid of being without toilet paper if they are quarantined.  Something that I may see as irrational is rational to them.  This is their life, their experience, their belief.  What I did find was that there are people that tried to profit and some that succeeded in profiting from that fear.  People that went and cleared out shelves in multiple stores.  Filling up U-haul trucks, and setup their stores on Amazon and Ebay and began selling some items at a markup of over 2100%  and no, I didn't forget a decimal.  People see empty shelves and the fear of not having that item sets in, they will pay to get the items because it must be important if the shelves are empty.

Feeding on that fear:  Let's empty the shelves.  Health care professionals are stating to use hand sanitizer. People are going to dollar stores, groceries, drug stores and clearing out the shelves of hand sanitizers and baby wipes.  Some people may be thinking, What's going to happen if I get quarantined with my family and I have a baby?  The fear has settled in.

Fear:  Now that I have simplified, glossed over if you will, what happens when fear sets in.  Let's discuss this thing called fear.  First and foremost, fear is a normal emotion.  Some people will state that a persons fear can sometimes be "irrational".  I'm not going to judge.  This is  my simple take on panic which I believe starts with a fear of the unknown, a fear of what may be, a fear of not being able to stop something from happening, and a fear of not being able to protect those that are under our protection, ie parents, grandparents, the children.  As with every pandemic that has ever occurred, there is conflicting information which feeds this fear.  Some questions that may occur:  Who do I believe? How do we stop the virus?  I don't want it, is my health good?  I have allergies, will I have to explain my allergies? What if I sneeze will people think that I have it? I have parents that I take care of, am I putting them at risk? I have to isolate myself because I can't trust other people are taking the same  precautions as me.  

I believe that in a lot of ways we have been programmed to fear the unknown.  If we don't have the experience in dealing with something, we need to keep it at arms length until we are better informed.  But how do we open ourselves to the information?  How do we believe what we've been told?  I feel that if you look at a thing, recognize it for what it is, acknowledge the fact that you have limited control or even no control over a thing, then fear can be minimized. In other words an acceptance of the unknown.  What we have now that the human race didn't have during other pandemics like the Black Plague is better medicine, a better understanding of the human body, and shared information across the globe. 

Taking precaution is helpful not just for yourself but for others.  Thinking that you have super powers or that it won't happen to you is just another risk that isn't needed or warranted.  Understanding the information that is out there is key.  Ask the questions that are bubbling inside instead of thinking you know all the answers already.  Do your own research if you are capable.  Once again that is something that our ancestors didn't have.  We have so much at our fingertips that they didn't.  Make sure that the websites you are getting your information from are credible.  Stores will restock, don't pay exorbitant amounts of money on items out of that fear.  Make sure that the precautions that the health care professionals are stating are followed.  Wash your hands, sanitize items before touching them, and don't put your hands on your face.

For your own mental well-being,  talk to your friends and family it doesn't have to be in person but can be by phone and/or on social media.  Don't completely isolate yourself,  fear can also be your own worse enemy.

What I have written above is just my belief.  I do wish and pray that everyone is safe both mentally and physically.

Proven Innocent

I have been watching a few True Crime documentaries.  I don't know if any of you are into watching these but some of them are really good.  I will caution, please do your own research and don't depend just on the documentaries themselves as factual, some discrepancies can occur.  Now enough said on that front, on to the show.

One documentary that I watched is called the Long Shot, and is on Netflix, if you keep reading there are SPOILERS.

It is about a man that was arrested and accused of murdering a 16 year old girl that had testified against a gang in which his brother was a member.

He claimed his innocence, said he was at a Dodgers game with his daughter.  His daughter testified that they were at a Dodgers game, they were able to prove that he was there at 9:45pm.  The problem is that the deceased was killed around 10:40pm. 

By a series of unique circumstances his attorney was able to prove that he was indeed at the Dodgers game.

How was  is innocence was proven?  A camera crew was filming a tv series that particular night.  They just happened to be assigned to seats down from the defendant.  When he took his daughter to get candy the camera crew happened to let him through even though they were filming.  His girlfriend called his cellphone which they were able to get the ping from a tower that was a mile from the stadium, no where near where the murder took place.

Listening to his story, which the documentary is only about 40 minutes, you hear the anguish in his voice, you see it on his face.  I like to call it the "what if" scenarios.  The documentary even talks about them.  What if he hadn't gone to the game?  What if the tv show hadn't filmed in his section of the stadium?  What if his girlfriend hadn't called to see what time they would be home? 

We hear a lot about people being found innocent after they have spent years in prison. Some have been freed after spending over 30 years in prison.  Most have been found innocent after DNA testing came onto the scene.  They didn't have their "what if" moments, or did they?  Do they spend those years thinking about "What if I had taken a different way home?", "what if I had done......?"

We hear about the person being "guilty in the court of public opinion".  What happens when the person is innocent?  As a society we are likely to judge based on our experiences, what we have been taught.  How can we put that aside?

I have been on a jury.  I have sat and listened to the evidence presented.  And yes, I have argued "beyond a reasonable doubt" with other jurors, who even though there was a lack of evidence presented, a severe lack, they wanted to vote guilty.  My undergraduate degree, Political Science, and at one point in my life I wanted to attend Law School. 

It's hard to take yourself, your personal experiences, out of the equation.  The way I look at the situation is that everyone deserves a fair hearing.  If I was accused of a crime, that I didn't commit, I would want the jury to not already think me guilty before they even hear the evidence.  Just because the crime was so horrific that they feel that someone, anyone needs to pay. Make sure that you believe the person is guilty, beyond a reasonable doubt.

Until next time!

Work & Life: Separating The Two

I was asked this week, "How do you separate your job from your personal life?"  I had to think really hard about the answer because I never think about it anymore.  Separating the job from what I consider my personal self had been a part of me for so long, I even forgot how to talk about it.

A little background may be needed.  Things occurred on their job that affected the person so personally that they didn't know how to cope.  I asked the person, "Why are you taking their decision personally?"  They stated, "It feels like I'm being attacked for decisions that I had made."  We proceeded to discuss why the company was making those changes. They finally understood that the changes were for the betterment of the company.  That is wasn't an attack, but a different way of doing things due to the fact that the current model was not working.  I asked them, "do you keep your personal separate from the job?"  The person did know what I was speaking about.  Then they asked the "how" question.

Separating myself from the job, came from years of experience working in the corporate world.  Castigating myself when I felt that the work I was doing was coming under fire.  It took a very nice supervisor that I had when I was younger to let me know that it wasn't about my work at all.  That I had worked well with the tools that I had on hand and that there was a need for change.  As I continued my work in the corporate world, I saw this happen time and time again, so I began separating myself from what was going on.  Keeping in mind the big picture of the company, what those goals were.  I also looked at what my goals were, what I wanted to gain from my employment.

Back to present day.....

At the time of the question I didn't have that thought.  I drew a complete blank.  How was I to help this person who was taking the weight on their shoulders of something that they had no control over? I began with a simple process of breaking down that weight, chipping away at it, one piece at a time.  We spoke about the company: what had happened to make them feel a certain way? what the company goals were for the future? 

Then I asked them: What their goals were for the future?  Did they see a future with this company?  Do they see this as a stepping stone before moving on?  I also reminded the person when they would say something that wasn't in their control.  By the end of the conversation, they began to see that the weight they were taking home every night wasn't theirs, but someone else's, the company's.  They had felt that everything that had gone wrong was their fault.  They were taking the blame solely upon themselves, and taking it home with them.  A vicious cycle that was repeated daily.  It began to affect other aspects of their life and decisions that they were making in their personal life.  They were beginning to be afraid of make decisions because they felt that the weren't good at making them.

When I decided to write this post I did a little research.  For those that are having problems separating yourself from your job, or having problems balancing work life, here are a couple of  articles that discuss this very topic.

                   Corkindale, Gill.  Detach Yourself From Your Work

                   Koretz, Janna.  What Happens When Your Career Becomes Your Whole Identity

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health, if you need help please get the help you need.  Take care of both your mental and physical health and they will take care of you!

What has been going on?!?!?!? Let me tell you!!

Hello everyone!! I hope everyone is having a marvelous 2020.  

I am writing to keep you updated on everything that has been going on.  I have been adding additional adventures to the schedule.  Little day trips, jaunts, and excursions  to spend more time exploring a lot of different things.  

The first trip will take place in February.  I would like to say that each month there will be an excursion or 2 but that is not the case.  I do have a couple of months where 2 or 3 excursions will take place but those are few and far between.

I have been speaking with friends and some of them will be joining me on these journeys.

Some of our adventures will include:  Outdoor markets, a lot of historical adventures, train journeys, and meeting some of the local artists with me possibly being taught by them.  

Excursions have been scheduled way into 2021!! I'm super hyped about that and I hope you are too!

What else have I been doing? Well, I've been getting some book talk topics in order.  I'm about to start reading a book called "The Pale Faced Lie: A True Story" by David Crow.  I hope you join me in reading the book and we can have a discussion.  

If there is a book that you would recommend please let me know. 

I look forward to sharing all of these new and wonderful adventures with you!

Happy New Years!

Well this post is late, but anyway..... Happy New Years!

When thinking over what I did over the past year, I reflected on all the ups and downs that occurred.  Has the road leveled out for me? No.  Will it ever?  I hope not, otherwise I would probably be bored.  But I survived!! YAY! GO ME!

Yes, I'm my own cheerleading squad!

Now that it is 2020, what do I look forward to this year?  I am looking forward to continuing my education about myself and things around me.  I look forward to meeting knew people and still staying in touch with current friends.  I look foward to once again completing a Masters program.  I look forward past 2020 to starting my clinic once I've completed the program and then continuing to expand my knowledge on the field.

My dreams and goals will continue to expand, because I will it so!

Yes, I have a strong will!

I write this not just for me, but for all who think that their dreams and especially goals have to have an endpoint.  I believe each goal is just a stepping stone toward another goal.  My goals, my dreams, my desires, and my wants are all a part of my life journey.

During 2020 and beyond I will continue to take you with me, and I hope that you share your journey with me also!